How to Build Yourself Up and Find True Confidence From Within
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No matter who you are, confidence doesn’t always come easily. It can be easy to start tearing yourself down – I mean we’re usually the hardest on ourselves vs. other people. In this post, learn how to build yourself up and find true confidence.
Negative self talk and tearing yourself down is very common, especially for women. However, it can be a very destructive thought process that leads us to feel bad about ourselves and even contribute to using unhealthy means to change things about ourselves.
In today’s society, especially where social media makes it so easy to compare yourself to others, negative self talk can be an easy rabbit hole to fall into.
Every unique part of you makes you who you are, and it is my hope that all women start embracing those things. But I know it’s not that simple.
Use these tips to build yourself up and find inner confidence.
Address negative self talk
The first step in building yourself up is actually learn how to stop tearing yourself down. There are six main steps to addressing negative self talk.
1. Think about saying it to someone else
One of the best ways to change your perspective on negative self talk is to think about saying your personal critiques to someone else.
Consider this scenario. You wake up in the morning, look into the mirror, and say to yourself, “I’m so fat”. It feels harmless, right? Now turn the situation around and think about seeing someone else and saying to her, “You are so fat”. You’re probably thinking, “I would never say that to someone else, it’s so mean!”
Well, that’s kinda my point. If you are saying things to yourself that you would never consider saying to others, stop saying them. We are trained from a young age to not be mean to others, but we should also be kind to ourselves.
2. Recognize if there is a self-fulfilling prophecy at play
Sometimes negative self talk can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you go into your big presentation at work saying to yourself, “You are going to fail, you don’t know what you are doing, you’re such a bad presenter, etc.” Then you are probably not going to go into that presentation and do your best. This will then confirm in your mind that all of those negative thoughts are true.
When you engage in negative self talk, you will also be more likely to remember examples of when you did something wrong, rather than remind yourself of the things you have done well.
When you are feeling particularly down on yourself, try to think of three instances when you proved those thoughts wrong. I bet it will be difficult at first, but you will be able to think of something. And when you do, you’ll be able to combat those negative thoughts.
3. Evaluate social media usage
If you are constantly scrolling through Instagram and feeling envious of the people you see in your feed, evaluate your social media usage. Unfollow specific accounts that make you feel particularly bad about yourself. If needed, take a break from social media altogether, or limit your usage.
Remember, social media photos are not always what they seem. No one wants to post a picture if they look bad, so everyone is trying to represent themselves in the “best” way possible. You never know when someone used Photoshop, used a more flattering angle, took 100 photos before getting the one they decided to post, etc.
You also don’t know the feelings or emotions behind a photo. Chances are the girl you wish you could look like deals with negative self talk, too.
4. Track what else is going on in your life
Sometimes negative self talk can be prompted by other things going on in your life. There may be patterns to your negative mindset that you haven’t even realized.
The Fitbit Versa allows you to track a lot of variables that lets you evaluate what else is going on during the days when you feel particularly bad. You can track exercise and nutrition, as well as your menstrual cycle, sleep, emotions, physical symptoms, etc.
Do you notice that you tend to get particularly down on yourself when you don’t exercise? Or maybe when you get your period? Being aware of these things and the other aspects behind the negative self talk will allow you to address the deeper issues better.
5. Respond to your negative thoughts in a positive way to build yourself up
One way I like to combat negative self talk is to use a page in my journal to “respond” to those thoughts. For example, if you think to yourself, “I’m so ugly”, then write a more positive response in your journal such as, “I am beautiful. I have a nice smile and I love the color of my eyes.” Let this positive response become your new mantra.
By immediately combating the thought that you are ugly, with positive and tangible things you like about yourself, will help to change your mindset and train you to combat negative thoughts with a positive defense.
6. Turn critiques into goals…as long as they are healthy goals
Rather than using negative self talk to beat yourself up, try to change your mindset to identify areas you would like to work on and use that to build yourself up as you make progress.
If you are down on yourself for being out of shape, don’t continuously tell yourself that you are fat and no good. Try to build a healthy exercise plan that you can stick to and establish some healthy goals for yourself.
Be careful to set goals that are healthy and realistic, rather than using negative self talk to fuel unhealthy behavior like starving yourself or getting on the treadmill for three hours if you eat something unhealthy.
Let go of the past
A common reason you might find your confidence faltering is you’re holding on to past mistakes or worries.
Letting go of the past will help you move forward and build yourself up.
Try to identify what exactly is holding you back. Is it a past embarrassing memory that haunts you or maybe a grudge against an ex-boyfriend or former friends?
Work to clear up space in your mind and let it go.
Forgiveness – especially forgiving yourself – can be difficult. Something I try to remember when working to forgive is that forgiving does not mean you are saying that action was okay. It just means that you are letting yourself move on, and forgiving for you – no one else!
Healthline has a great article on how to forgive yourself and you can read more here.
Find things that make you feel good about yourself
Another key aspect of building yourself up is to find things that make you feel good about yourself.
Do you ever notice that when you participate in a certain hobby or wear your favorite lipstick your confidence gets a little boost?
Investing in yourself whether that’s a skill, your appearance, your knowledge…whatever it is you’ll likely notice that you start to feel more confident.
Take note of the things that make you feel good about yourself, event if it’s something small. Make a list that you can refer to when you start to slip into self doubt so you can build yourself up.
Find positive affirmations that resonate
Daily affirmations are positive sentences you say to yourself as a way to build yourself up. And the best part is that they are really easy to incorporate into your daily life.
Essentially, choose a phrase from that resonates with you. This might be something simple like, “I am a strong and confident woman” or something more specific like “Anxiety may feel uncomfortable, but I am in charge of my mind and body”
Once you’ve chosen a phrase, take a few deep breaths and repeat this phrase to yourself 3-5 times daily.
It also helps to stand in front of the mirror while you say your chosen phrase and look yourself in the eye as you repeat it. You’ll probably feel awkward or silly at first, but once you do this for a few days it will feel more natural.
I also recommend writing out this affirmation on a piece of paper or sticky note and hanging it somewhere you’ll see it often like your bathroom mirror.
While this may seem like a simple exercise, it can do a great job in building yourself up and finding confidence.
For 35 daily affirmations to boost self love and confidence, read more here.
Those are the best tips to build yourself up and find true confidence.
Negative self talk and tearing yourself down is common for so many women, but we don’t always talk about it. Know that you are not alone, and that there are ways to help change your mindset from tearing yourself down to being your biggest cheerleader.
Use the tips in this post to get your confidence the boost it needs! As always, be patient with yourself as you work through building yourself up.
Comment below with your favorite way to build yourself up.
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